Saturday, May 31, 2008

Indiana Jones And The Last Attempt to Get a New Card From Barclays

Part One, Part Two.

I got home from work yesterday to find notices of three packages waiting for me at the local Sorting Office that I had to sign for. So I went along this morning, signed my name three times and what do you think I got in return?

Three identical letters from Barclays and three identical debit cards. One from the 23rd of April, one from the 8th of May and one from the 19th of May. So that is presumably the first card I was sent in April, the first replacement they sent after I rang them the first time at the start of March and maybe the second replacement, all mysteriously suddenly coming to light.

Once I got home I phoned up Barclays to find out which of these would work, as the others were cancelled, then went to my nearest Barclays and succesfully withdrew money. So, I have access to cash again. What does worry me, on reflection, is that the last card was sent before last Wednesday, it was even sent before the previous Wednesday where I was told (apparently incorrectly) that I could have a card delivered to me at work. So now I get to wait to see if the card I have now suddenly stops working and whether I get the card that was supposed to be sent to me after I complained last Wednesday.

Then there's the question of where exactly these cards have been for the last six, three and two weeks, and why they've suddenly all been delivered now. The envelopes are all dated and stamped 'Finchley', I don't know if Barclays have a card-processing centre somewhere there, but it makes me wonder whether this whole process over the last two months is due to the incompetence of Barclays, the Royal Mail, or both.

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Friday, May 30, 2008

What The Aluminium Coated Fuck?

The Drug and Alcohol Service for London want an advertising campaign for their services, targeting women especially. They go to TBWA-London. I can only assume that everyone in both organisations is suffering from their own massive substance abuse issues because they decided upon this, photograph a man in bad-make-up/photoshop his face on to a woman's head, and then go for the hilarious 'if you drink like a man then you may end up looking like one'

The press and poster campaign is based on the belief that women are more likely to revise their drinking habits to preserve their looks than to maintain good health.

So, women are vain creatures, alcohol causes most of the main characteristics of SRS (F-to-Ms reading, take notes then head down the offie for that special offer they're doing on Special Brew) and there are fewer funnier images than a man dressed as a woman.

And that is why creative people are scum.

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Thursday, May 29, 2008

The vast failure and capitulation to terrorists that is the UK ID Card scam rumbles on. The Government continues to be deaf to evidence that this whole enterprise is a waste of time and money and is this the excuse the Tories will use to continue the ID Card scheme after campaigning on it's abolition. It's only right to be sceptical, Boris Johnson started reversing on his few clear campaign pledges barely after finishing being sworn in. Tony Blair might have been a Tory masquerading as a Labour politician but David Cameron isn't even that, more a mirror to whatever strong opinions surround him at each moment.

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What's the matter with you America? Don't you have enough stupid already?

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Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The trailer for the US version of 'Life on Mars'. Okay, so the original version was, after the first few episodes, uniformly awful but this trailer would seem to suggest that they've managed to remove the few remaining good bits as well before slinging it up on screen. At least the Starsky and Hutch movie did this stuff with a sense of humour.

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Another Week, Another Different Story From Barclays Bank

Previously, on Blah Blah Flowers.

7) Last Wednesday, I went to a branch to take some money out from the counters. I went in a lunchtime, I had some errands to run and my intention was that in the afternoon I would start the process of opening a new account elsewhere. Of course, it being lunchtime there was a long queue and, of course, only two out of a possible five windows were open, so it took a while. Once I finally got to a window and took out my money I explained to the cashier about the whole situation and how I couldn't get the person on the phone to either send the card to a different address or to my branch. The cashier told me that that could be done, but had to be organised in the branch, something Miss Helpful on the phone neglected to tell me. So, we arranged to have it delivered to my work address but, because of the time of day I went in to the bank, plus my working hours, plus the fact they don't do anything on the weekend, PLUS the bank holiday, the earliest they could deliver the card to me at work was yesterday.
8) Hands up anyone who thinks it was delivered to me at work yesterday. Congratulations, you're dumber than Boris Johnson and Shrubya in a sack. But on the bright-side, you're still smarter than myself, who really thought I'd get my card.
9) So, up to my local branch this morning to get more money out. I've pretty much given up on Barclays now, but I have to delay signing up with a new bank for a week because my rent and credit card get paid next week and for my own peace of mind I don't want to risk messing them up by switching, even though I know it would probably be okay. I explained as I took money out my situation again. The lady I spoke to expressed surprise about point seven, because it is NOT Barclays policy to deliver cards to work addresses, ever. All they are empowered to do is have the card delivered to a branch and, surprise surprise, there's nothing on my record to show that the woman last week did anything with my account details after all.
10) So, because I have a week to kill, I've now supposedly ordered my fifth card to be delivered to my local branch. They don't think it will arrive before Monday or Tuesday but that doesn't matter as I couldn't get it before Wednesday anyway.

The story will continue in 'REVENGE OF THE PISSED-OFF FORMER BARCLAYS CUSTOMER'...

UPDATE 4:30 PM: 11) I've just been phoned by someone from the local branch. It turns out they can't have the card sent to them for me to pick up. This service has been discontinued because Barclays were having a problem with too many cards being stolen by staff in the branches. So now I'm getting it delivered by registered mail, so at least it should be held in the sorting office round the corner until I come to collect it, unless the posties are stealing credit cards too...

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Tuesday, May 27, 2008

The B3ta Challenge: Extending album cover art (NSFW)
[via As Above]

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Monday, May 26, 2008

A brilliant essay from clapclap about the song 'Hallelujah', first by Leonard Cohen, then covered 'definitively' by Jeff Buckley, then used everywhere to denote seriousness.
[via Andrew Sullivan]

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Charlie Brooker is Right About Everything

Or, more specifically, some of the things he says in this column resonate exactly with me about the return of Conservatism.

You're a passenger in a car that someone else is driving, and your hands are tied, and up ahead is a container lorry full of hot liquid manure that you're definitely going to run into the back of, but your driver's deaf and blind and not slowing down, so there's nothing you can do except writhe in your seat and brace yourself for the impact. That's roughly how I feel following the Crewe and Nantwich byelection. Thanks to a 900% swing to the right (or thereabouts), a Cameron-fronted Tory government now looks like not just an alarming possibility, but an awful, grinding, inescapable certainty - yet another preordained slice of doomsday, like climate change or the War Against the Machines. The countdown has already begun...

I know in my bones that rightwing policies are wrong. Obviously wrong. They just are. It's Selfishism, pure and simple. Nasty stuff. Consequently I don't "get" Tories, never have and never will. We don't gel. There's something missing in their eyes and voices; they're the same yet different; bodysnatchers running on alien software. Yet that's precisely how I must seem to them: an inherently misguided and ultimately unknowable idiot.

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Sunday, May 25, 2008



Morning Bride

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Saturday, May 24, 2008

"Captain Jack is an intergalactic manwhore!"

Warning: Contains Hitler.

Genius.

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Friday, May 23, 2008

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Stop the introduction of the National Staff Dismissal Register.

This Register (NSDR), is a gross violation of human rights and allows employers to place people on it without any formal hearing, conviction or involvement of the police or justice system at all. The accused can only complain via the Information Commissioner and any changes or removal could take years. Employers have been given complete control of it and can basically put any name they want on it.

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Thursday, May 22, 2008

Politicians: They're All Scum

Labour want to control you, The Tories would like to control women's bodies. A plague on both your houses.

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Monday, May 19, 2008

Is Team Blonde Buffoon dialling back expectations on the return of the Routemaster?

The Mayor's plans for a new generation Routemaster may not happen, his new transport boss admitted today. Kulveer Ranger, Boris Johnson's director of transport policy, said that a design competition would be launched - but if no bid was good enough they would look again at the pledge.

This will be good news, the last thing we need is the huge unnecessary expense of replacing a fleet of perfectly adequate buses with much less accessible designs in the name of conservative (rather than Conservative) nostalgia. However, seeing as he insisted on making such a big point of this policy during this campaign that we can have some justifiable giggles that New Conservatism has overtaken New Labour for breaking campaign promises once in power.

Though hopefully it's impossible to mistake me for a supporter of the Blair/Brown party I have been feeling lately how I assume Tories felt in those last few months before May the 1st 1997. Baring some massive disaster that gives him the chance to look commanding and reassuring Gordon Brown now looks like a dead Prime Minister walking, certainly all the friends of Blair lining up to put the boot in aren't helping.

I'm of the generation that grew up knowing no different than a Conservative government and the likelihood of that returning strikes more cold dread into my heart than the liberty-cancelling, ID Card supporting Labour party. At the moment David Cameron doesn't quite have that air of Blair in 1996 of just waiting to assume the Premiership that everyone knew would soon be his but it can't be much longer in coming. The tragedy for the country is that Boris becoming mayor proves that no-one who voted for him were concerned with his policies, I've yet to speak to or here from anyone that voted for what he said he would do, they either voted Ken out or because they thought the mayorship could be run by a part-time gameshow host. The lesson Cameron is free to draw for this is that he doesn't need to make pretences of creeping leftwards, he's likely to be voted in if the Conservative party manifesto was 'compulsory euthanasia of all Conservative party members and Daily Mail readers' and the prospect of Oliver Letwin getting gay with Michael Gove televised nightly. It'll also mean that they'll have a manifesto promise to scrap ID Cards then keep them when they get in, much as the Labour Party felt that a Freedom of Information act was a necessity right up until the point they had the power to bring it in.

Some of my friends hope that Prime Minister 'Dave' will inspire a fresh wave of activism, such as those against Clause 28. I'm less hopeful, though I take comfort in the fact it'll better to have my face ground into the dirt by the boot of a Conservative that calls themselves a Conservative rather than a Tory that calls themself Labour.

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Sunday, May 18, 2008

Neil Tennant at the Brighton Festival 2008


Neil Tennant at the Brighton Festival 2008
Originally uploaded by Loz Flowers

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Corroded Pipe, Brighton Beach


Corroded Pipe, Brighton Beach
Originally uploaded by Loz Flowers

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Crown of Thorns


Crown of Thorns
Originally uploaded by Loz Flowers

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Saturday, May 17, 2008

The BBC decide to stop being overzealous in their attack on a woman for creating knitting patterns for Doctor Who aliens.

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Friday, May 16, 2008

DEFRA have produced noise maps for a large number of urban areas throughout the UK.

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A man who ram-raided a supermarket clad only in a sheet and a pair of Ugg boots has been jailed for four years. Four years? Ugg boots? Four years ? At the very least it should have been four years per ridiculous furry foot-covering. Will no-one think of the children who might have been watching?

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Pharyngula has this story that some racist little fucknugget is selling these anti-Obama t-shirts in the country that gave us Citizens United Not Timid. Anyone involved in either of these needs prompt ejecting from the human race before they foul it any further.

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Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Useless Barclays

I've had a bank account with Barclays all my life, but I think I'm going to have to close it. They are just completely useless.

1) My debit card runs out at the end of May '08. They sent me out a new card at the beginning of April. Without checking to see if I received it, they cancelled my old card with no warning at the end of April, 1 month early.
2) The first time I phoned them, not yet realising my card had expired, on the 4th of May, I was told there was no reason why I couldn't withdraw funds from my account and to wait until after the bank holiday then try again.
3) Tried again on both Monday the 5th and Tuesday the 6th. No joy. Went through the rigmarole of withdrawing funds manually and then phoned up again. This was when we discovered my card had been expired. So they cancelled the first card I never received, and sent out another, which would take four to five working days to get here.
4) Not having received it in the post AGAIN this morning I phoned them up. They cancelled the second card, but can do nothing other than send out a THIRD card to my home address. The very definition of idiocy being to do the same thing and expect different results. I checked, they've got the right mailing address so it's not a repeat of what happened with Egg a few years ago where the address for all correspondence was correct but there was a seperate address for where to send the card to and that hadn't been updated. Barclays will not deliver it to me at work. They WILL NOT deliver it to my nearest branch so I can pick it up from there.
5) So, the letter of complaint will be drafted. If I don't receive the THIRD card (and four to five working days means having to wait until next Tuesday) then I shall move to another bank that hopefully won't be a shower of arseholes.
6) Also, I must say how useful it is that they've closed most of their branches on the Saturday. Withdrawing money manually is difficult enough if you don't have a driving license, but I'm going to have to take money out today for the weekend because I don't have time to spare to queue at the titchy branch near to where I work tomorrow or Friday during work hours to get money out then. It's the lack of time I have this week that's stopping me from switching my account right now.

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BBC Lawyers in 'Acting Like Wankers' Shock

BBC Lawyers are threatening legal action to Doctor Who fan who created free knitting patterns for some of it's aliens, including the Ood and the Adipose, despite having no intention to release knitting patterns or woollen Doctor Who figures themselves. Crikey, I hope they don't come after my Mother for the Superted she made me when I was four.

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Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Know Your Bug Sex!

In Green Porno Isabella Rossellini acts out how many different insects and molluscs make little baby molluscs and insects.

[via Grinding]

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Monday, May 12, 2008

I Didn't Vote For Boris.

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Sunday, May 11, 2008

This Charming Man

Fucking hell.

'My daughter deserved to die for falling in love... If I had realised then what she would become, I would have killed her the instant her mother delivered her,'... Two weeks after The Observer revealed the shocking story of Rand Abdel-Qader, 17, murdered because of her infatuation with a British solider in Basra, southern Iraq, her father is defiant... [Abdel-Qader Ali] remains a free man, despite having stamped on, suffocated and then stabbed his student daughter to death... he said, police congratulated him on what he had done. 'They are men and know what honour is... I don't have a daughter now, and I prefer to say that I never had one. That girl humiliated me in front of my family and friends. Speaking with a foreign solider, she lost what is the most precious thing for any woman... I have only two boys from now on. That girl was a mistake in my life. I know God is blessing me for what I did'...

Homosexuality is punishable by death, a sentence Abdel-Qader approves of with a passion. 'I have alerted my two sons. They will have the same end [as Rand] if they become contaminated with any gay relationship. These crimes deserve death - death in the name of God,' he said.

He said his daughter's 'bad genes were passed on from her mother'. Rand's mother, 41, remains in hiding after divorcing her husband in the immediate aftermath of the killing, living in fear of retribution from his family. She also still bears the scars of the severe beating he inflicted on her, breaking her arm in the process, when she told him she was going. 'They cannot accept me leaving him. When I first left I went to a cousin's home, but every day they were delivering notes to my door saying I was a prostitute and deserved the same death as Rand,' she said.

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Friday, May 09, 2008

Cup of Brown Joy



[via Warren Ellis]

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Looking at my Flickr stats it seems yesterday was a very strange day. Over the last month I'd had an average of about 100 views per day until last Sunday, which I suspect is my Cans Festival photos. But yesterday I apparently had 965 views, only one of which was in double digits. This one had ten views but a lot of interest generally, I think it got mentioned over here at some point, my monolingualism defeats me. But then after that it's just a large number of my photos being looked at once or twice, with no apparent rhyme or reason. I wonder if it's some Flickr housekeeping app running or whether there was someone very bored yesterday...

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Josef Fritzl now invokes Godwins to try and avoid responsibility for imprisoning and raping his daughter for decades.

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Thursday, May 08, 2008

I notice that, in public, I seem to have an automatic timer that warns me not to gaze at [my girlfriend] as long as I might at the privacy of our dining room table, a subtle mask that shifts the set of my smile when I respond to hearing her laugh, and an inner language editor that reflexively erases "honey", "my love" and "darling" from my lexicon as I'm calling to her across a parking lot...

I don't edit myself this way because I am ashamed of being a lesbian. I do it because I'm afraid that someone else, who thinks I ought to be ashamed of being a lesbian, might hurt me -- or worse, hurt my beloved.

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It seems that charmless bigots Christian Voice is going to try something which he hasn't done before, an act of public service. Stephen Green writes

The prospect of the BBC auditioning pop hopefuls in front of Andrew Lloyd Webber for the role of Jesus has led a Christian group to promise Jerry Springer the Opera-style protests and evangelism if the project goes ahead.

So, a lot of sound and fury that signifies nothing and achieves nothing except several pointless years in court?

Christian Voice said tonight that they might even try to get young Christians into the audition room itself to share the Gospel of the real Jesus Christ with Lord Lloyd-Webber himself.

Presumably they'll also be telling Graham Norton and John Barrowman that they'll be going to hell as well?

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Tuesday, May 06, 2008

LOLBORIS


[via Lozette]

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... Oh, and when they make Iron Man 2, wouldn't it be interesting if it's Pepper Potts in the War Machine armour, rather than Rhodey?

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Monday, May 05, 2008

Iron Man

I went to see Iron Man today and thought it a satisfactory movie. Not great, it wasn't X-Men 2 but it certainly wasn't Fantastic Four or Hulk. Robert Downey Junior was probably the best thing in it but he didn't get too many chances to shine, though he did have the best line of the entire film, when Pepper catches him taking the proper Iron Man armour off for first time.

The story is also okay. This is probably because it is the same story that they have used in Spiderman and, broadly, Hulk. Peter Parker/Tony Stark meets his friends father/has his father's friend Norman Osbourne/Obadiah Stane. Unfortunately Norman/Obadiah have nefarious plans of their own and when they discover our heroes secret Peter/Tony/Bruce is forced to fight his patriarchal figure who uses an enhanced version of our heroes invention/ability against them. Iron Man also makes the same mistake as the first Fantastic Four movie in that 90% of the film is the origin story, with the last ten or fifteen minutes being saved for the final confrontation with the baddy. Certainly the Tony/Obadiah face-off is a better fight than the Four/Doom tiff but it's hardly epic. I don't know whether it's the danger of being into comics, I've never read Iron Man but already know the basics of where he comes from. So my heart sinks when we have another origin film. It's perhaps unavoidable with the other characters but I'm not sure it's needed with Iron Man. I think the first film could have happened presenting Iron Man as more or less already being around, having Obadiah as a forgotten face from his past that turns up in a second film, making Tony deal with self-doubt (we don't see substance abusing Tony in this film, so no doubt as War Machine is not so subtly mentioned, we've got those two things to look forward to in Spiderman 2 Iron Man 2) and then explain how he was captured by Al Qaeda, working for Obadiah. Marvel comics always have to work as though the company will fold tomorrow because there's a chance they will, and Hulk was probably them doing what they thought was an experiment and it failed but if they keep regurgitating the same few stories for each film then the cash fillup from the movies will be gone.

That said, the graphics are as you would expect, you can't tell where the props end and CGI starts, so as a near brainless way to pass an afternoon the film just about passes muster. And after waiting through the interminably long credits for the final scene we're left to wonder whether they can do the fairly unlikely and rein in actors egos long enough for an Avengers film. I always assumed that either that or a Justice League of America film would be impossible without replacing the A-list stars with C or D-listers. Would Downey sign up for an Avengers movie? Would Bana or Jackman?

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Sunday, May 04, 2008

The Cans Festival 2008, Waterloo


The Cans Festival 2008, Waterloo
Originally uploaded by Loz Flowers

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The Cans Festival 2008, Waterloo


The Cans Festival 2008, Waterloo
Originally uploaded by Loz Flowers

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The Cans Festival 2008, Waterloo


The Cans Festival 2008, Waterloo
Originally uploaded by Loz Flowers

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Saturday, May 03, 2008

Mandarin Duck, Hampton


Mandarin Duck, The Woodland Gardens, Bushy Park
Originally uploaded by Loz Flowers
To escape the disappointments and blows to fortune of the morning and, as I finally had a nice day for what seemed like the first day in too long, I decided to escape to Outer London.

I was following a London Walks podcast but was brought to the delightful Woodland Gardens, a fenced off section of Bushy Park, near Hampton Court Palace. With a two hour journey each way I doubt I'll be heading there that often but if you're in the South-East of London, visiting Hampton Court Palace perhaps, I suggest you pop over the road from the back door and check Woodland Gardens out. I saw what Wikipedia believes to be Mandarin Ducks and Egyptian Geese which I don't believe are overly common over here and there are probably many other species that are exotic to someone raised on a visual diet of pigeons, starlings and robins.

Enjoyed that so much I didn't bother going into the Palace itself. Let's save that for another day...

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London Voters Elect Arsehole for Mayor

Christ on a bike London, what were you thinking? Were you thinking? Great, wonderful, well done. The best we can hope for is that Boris changes nothing, the worst is that he buggers the entire thing up.

Now we can't laugh at the Americans for electing a moron.

Conservative Party leader David Cameron praised Mr Johnson for a "serious and energetic campaign" and said his party was "winning the battle of ideas".

Exactly what ideas are those Davey? Of the few plans that Boris saw fit to tell us before the election they've all been exposed as shit . We can hope that Boris makes such a pigs ear of things that it sinks New Conservatism where it stands, but the problem is that when, not if, Johnson falls, he'll be taking London with him.

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Uncomfortably Close to the Truth


[if you don't already look at xkcd already you're probably dead inside]

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Thursday, May 01, 2008

Lesbians go to the courts for the right to be the only ones that are called Lesbians saying that lesbians don't have the right to be lesbians, unless they are a lesbian by birth presumably, though of course, most lesbians would argue they are lesbians by birth. Lesbian lesbian lesbian.

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Don't Vote For Boris

These two articles pretty much highlights why residents of London should not vote for Boris Johnson today. The Guardian explain why a vote for Johnson is a bad idea (there's more detail here or here) while even the rabidly anti-Ken Daily Mail can only manage "Yes, I know Ken has been very good for London and Boris has no obvious qualifications for the job, but he's my mate".

Look, if Boris gets in we don't get to laugh at the United States for electing Shrubya any more! This is a serious issue!

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