Friday, September 29, 2006

"This one is called 'The Guns of War'"

Boom boom boom boom... [via Tranniefesto, though I'm only adding my weight to what is currently 'cool' in order to boost my traffic.]

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Thursday, September 28, 2006

Please email me for my address

It's worth a try. I'm sure Stormhoek wine tastes absolutely divine.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Hey America, are you missing an arsehole?

Yep, Bill Clinton has come over here to hang out at the Labour Party Conference. As he's the US President less of the membership are annoyed with Tony Blair for liking he seems to have gotten the role of reading the wake for the Blairite era of New Labour. Now that we know that Blair won't be in charge at this time twelve months in the future this conference seems to be less about 'the challenges facing Labour in the future' and more about 'wasn't Tony Blair great?' with subtle shades of 'Gordon Brown's a wanker' or 'Gordon Brown's a lying wanker'.

A highlight of his speech, and one that's bound to please the faithful is:

"I think one of the biggest problems right now is that people take your achievements and your ideas for the future for granted. The reason is we have produced prosperity and social progress for so long it's easy for people to believe its just part of the landscape." Voters either thought the achievements would have happened anyway or they believed if that if the "faces in the driving seat" changed, the new crowd would not ditch the things which worked.

Yes, one of New Labour's problems is that their ideas are part of the landscape, not that Tony Blair lied and took the country into at least one war it did not want to fight. It is not that as a result this country had it's first terrorist attacks in nearly two decades and it's not that Tony wants to save our freedoms by taking them away.

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Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Godwins-tastic But True

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Saturday, September 23, 2006

The French Government is investigating how the French media found out that the French secret service has reported that the Saudi secret service is convinced the Osama Bin Laden has the died of the typhoid in the Pakistan. The the the. Ahem.


How It Should Have Ended. The way movies should have panned out.

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Friday, September 22, 2006

The Only Republican I Could Support

Denny Crane For President.

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I am the reason your iPods are no longer cool

I had downloaded the latest version of iTunes a few days ago. The greatest advantage to it in my view is the inclusion of the 'refresh' button on the podcasts page, no longer do I have to schedule things around the tyranny of the 'check for new episodes in one hour' option! I can just download and go!

I then signed up with iTunes, not because I can see myself buying music from them, preferring to hold the CD in my hand whenever possible, but so I could download the album art, and amuse myself by seeing which of my albums would download the covers and which wouldn't. It's rather odd, Kill Bill 1 is on there but Kill Bill 2 apparently isn't. All of the Blur covers were downloaded but none of Radiohead (are they boycotting iTunes or something?). Orbital did fairly well, though they did have the cover of the Green album as the cover of the Brown album (the colours apparently didn't tip them off), some of the more obscure stuff in my collection downloaded, Zen Guerilla and Nancy Elizabeth Cunliffe, but while Godspeed You! Black Emperor was recognised A Silver Mount Zion weren't. It's a funny old world.

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Morgellons, a disease that may not even exist. For some reason that just tickles me.

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Surely the most sensible course of action for the Liberal Democrats is to declare that their conference WILL NEVER END!!1! It seems to be the only way to get them mentioned in the media at all. Alternatively, claim that Lembit Öpik is really Harry Potter, all grown up and fallen through a time warp after the events of Book Seven. What have they got to lose?

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Fuck You Hewlett Packard

More Info.

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Thursday, September 21, 2006

Why oh why do people who say sensible things about the situation in Israel and the Occupied Territories then invariably go on and ruin things later by spouting ill thought-out racist rubbish?

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Wednesday, September 20, 2006

The Mother of All Trailers. [via Linkmachinego]

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I'm standing on Holloway Road at 11:35 in the morning. To my right is a petrol station that, approximately two months ago was converted into a car park. There is a party balloon with 'Welcome Home' in yellow, friendly letters that has escaped from somewhere and has found it's way to the forecourt. It drifts around the cars, it's string hanging down like the single remaining tentacle of a Man O' War. It manages one complete circuit of the outside of the forecourt and then, on it's second orbit, a man comes out from the office where motorists would go to pay for their petrol and catches it by the string.


They say cameras add ten pounds, but HP digital cameras can help reverse that effect. The slimming feature, available on select HP digital camera models, is a subtle effect that can instantly trim off pounds from the subjects in your photos!

Why not be honest?

God, our customers make us sick! You think anyone wants to see your blubbery belly on Flickr? For fucks sake, here's a widget to help encourage you to an eating disorder if you haven't had the common decency to get one already!
[via Feministing]

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Sunday, September 17, 2006

The Famous Five were fucked-up kids. I've just tried Ginger Beer and it's disgusting.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

The Official Record Store Cats.

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A lot of Discordians will be happy as the new planet beyond Pluto is named Eris.


Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Five years and two days later, The Taliban are making a comeback in Afghanistan. Just think, if he hadn't rushed off to settle a family score with Saddam, Dubya might have risked creating a stable society in Afghanistan. What a relief that he bodged it like everything else he's done. It's a shame the NATO countries are unwilling to step in but then they never wanted a war in the first place so why should they?

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Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Reading Sexual Misadventures into Perfectly Innocent Children's Book Covers

Originally uploaded by Loz Flowers.

Number 1.

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Steve Irwin fans suspected of 'revenge attacks' against stingrays. Let's savour the irony of fans of a naturalist killing animals. I just wish he'd been killed by some turtles, so I could make a 'war on terra(pins)' joke.

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Live UK Railmap. An approximately realtime map of Railway stations in the UK and the trains moving between them. Matthew Somerville may well have become my god for the day.

A Google Earth version of Douglas Adams's Last Chance to See.

[both via Google Maps Mania]

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Monday, September 11, 2006

So, I've heard that today's some kind of anniversary yeah? Wait, don't tell me, let me guess... It's your birthday right? Hey, looking good, not a day over... not a birthday? Wedding anniversary? Between Tony Blair's face and George Bush's arse? Hmmm, five years, I believe that's wood... Not a wedding anniversary? But I'm getting close right?

So, yeah, September the 11th 2001, or 'niynellevun' as the USians would have it. Grief's a weird thing, I didn't feel anything when my Nan died, my sister was almost hysterical at the end of the service and a few years ago refused to hear any conversation that included the inevitability of our parent's eventual demise. I suspect it's part and parcel of being a moody bugger, I don't tend to go much lower when something genuinely bad happens.

Of course, there's other reasons to distrust public mournathons. The wailing and gnashing of teeth following the death of Princess Di wrongfooted me as much as it did the royal family, I didn't understand how anyone could devote so much of their time to following someone else so intently, 'were they crazy?' I thought, 'I wouldn't do something like that'. The fact that many many times the number of people who died in the Twin Towers on that September day in 2001 have died in the rest of the world since, both those against the American imperialists, those for, and those unfortunate to have been caught in between. The Independent's figures make grim reading.

When passion drives policy it's a bad thing. Thomas Sutcliffe wrote an insightful article in the Independent in March 2000 asking why the parents of Leah Betts or Stephen Lawrence should be allowed to influence policy. When a situation exists where you think the passion is manufactured to drive policy it's worse. The Sun fakes passion as a matter of course. The overwhelming feeling I felt on the 11th of September 2001 was a sinking one that Bush and the neocons around him were going to use these poor dead people as an excuse to kill a hell of a lot more, I couldn't believe they genuinely felt sorrow, but knew that they couldn't show their smiles publicly.

So, sure, let's remember those who died on this anniversary. But let's remember all of those who died, Americans, British, Israelis, Palestinians, Lebanese, Iraqis, Afghans. Those that died in the Al Qaida attacks on this country, Spain, India and other parts of the world. Let us remember those who no longer walk upon this earth and those who do: Osama Bin Ladin; Ayman al-Zawahiri; Mullah Omar; Tony Blair; George W. Bush; Richard Cheney; Donald Rumsfeld.

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Radiodread- Radiohead's OK Computer reimagined as a raggae album. [via Ektopia]


Senator Thatcher from Kesteven comes back from the dead to warn us not to go wobbly.

First, the picture in this news report, can we be absolutely sure Maggie Thatcher hasn't died already? Can we bury her now, just in case? And why have the Americans invited her and not Tony to their five-years-on scaremongering wing-ding?

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Hello if you found me searching for:

the flower make a boss in science, keep up the Engrish lessons...

cartoon lady bouncing blah blah blah, although that sounds like some really obscure fetish...

NLP The Body Shop Nicky, probably the least succesful WWF wrestler name ever...

veruccas recognise pictures, hey! Do your own damn research!

gluttony masturbation, Mmmm, gluttony...

justin hawkins photo Fuck off.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Nirpal Dhaliwal- Watch Part Six.

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five.

How those nasty feminists have ruined Nirpal's life.

Fixated feminists and mad men
Evening Standard (London); Sep 6, 2006

THE novelist Fay Weldon is telling women to fake their orgasms and stroke men's egos, because we're so retarded and in need of encouragement we can't tell the difference. But guys always know how well we've done in bed by the extent women are nice to us the following day.

And women are always happy with Nirpal because he has such a wonderful penis, as evidenced in previous NDWs.

Women who've had their boats floated don't whinge over breakfast about how you forgot to take the trash out the night before.

The more important point is that this latest fuss being made about women's orgasms is another example of the skewed logic and selfobsession that passes for feminism these days.

That's right, worrying about men's fragile egos is an example of female self-obsession. Florence Nightingale in the Crimea? Bloody self, self, self all the time she was mopping up injured soldiers pus.

Men are the ones with the real problems. We are much more prone to be murdered or commit suicide, and we become alcoholics and junkies and succumb to depression and madness at a far higher rate than women. But women are the ones who constantly moan about their lot, despite having made the greatest strides in recent decades.

God bless those Suffragettes!

Men have a real challenge in the modern world, but whenever someone offers the opinion that men need some special consideration, feminist reactionaries will shout them down.

Has someone been drilling holes in that glass ceiling again? That way lies madness I tell thee!

A lot of feminists refuse to concede that men are anything but oppressors, though the prisons and mental institutions are packed full of guys who've completely lost their way.

'... And sometimes killed and raped women' I'm sure you were meaning to point out Nirpal.

These feminists lose sight of the fact that men were the victims of patriarchy too.

Oh, this will be good.

Patriarchy turned men into repressed, stunted Neanderthals who couldn't navigate their emotional problems. Their traditional roles in society disappeared, but men didn't have the psychological wherewithal to reinvent themselves along constructive lines: hence the heavy drinking, violence and enormous levels of mental illness.

Somewhere in there is the glimmerings of a good point struggling to get out. While we look for it, let's compare men like myself feeling emotionally restricted with the woman who has been raped because she dared to wear a skirt that finished above the knee.

Feminists need to look at the difficulties men face too, because it's women who have to deal with the fallout.

Those bloody selfish feminists! Now they're tryin' to take our problems too!

The irresponsibility of mixed-up modern men means that parenting is a task that's largely left to women when men walk out on their families. Because society doesn't define any role for men, a lot of them are happy to play no role at all, even that of father to their kids.

I love how Nirpal tries to suggest that deadbeat dad's are womens fault too.

Perhaps this narrowness stems from the fact that most feminist thinkers pontificate from the cushy position of being educated and middleclass.

They, and the women they're speaking to, have careers and the ability to compensate for the shortcomings of men. They're not trapped on a sink estate trying to raise children on their own and can afford the luxury of being a sanctimonious ideologue.

Where do you live again Nirpal? And you're writing for the Evening Standard, noted friend to the working class.

Feminists talk a lot about " empowering" women, but if that empowerment ends up as little but a fixation with achieving orgasm it seems pretty worthless.

Have you noticed that since the start of this article Nirpal has forgotten that Fay Weldon was saying women should pretend to orgasm to make men feel good and he's managed to mangle it to women unfairly having their own orgasms regardless of what Nirpal does with his magic chopper?

Shouldn't these empowered women be using their greater authority to make the world a better place, for everyone?

So, if there's a branch of S.C.U.M. operating near wherever Nirpal Dhaliwal lives then please consider helping to make the world just that little bit better, please?

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I used to be quite confident in my memory. Not so much that I remembered everything that ever happened to me or that I'd heard, but that it was black and white, to paraphrase Donald Rumsfeld, I was confident that there were just things I knew I knew and things I knew I didn't know any more. But after going back to Catford in June and realising that the memory I had of where my Nan had lived was completely wrong I'm now starting to wonder about how reliable the rest of my memory is. I recently heard that someone I went to school with, Stuart, died several years ago when he came off his motorbike and smashed his head against a concrete bollard. He lived round the corner from me when we were growing up and went to the same schools as me until I was twelve. Then our paths seperated and I never really saw him again. But there were those weekends and summer evenings when all the kids in the street would play footie or ride on their bikes and we knew each other well enough that we'd go round each others houses. However I now find I cannot remember at all what he looked like when we used to play. Or any of his four brothers. And it's odd that he's gone, because I can remember the other kids who used to play with us and what they look like.

And that's the known unknowns. I wonder what the unknown unknowns are?


Saturday, September 09, 2006

And then I realised it was next Saturday...

Travelling Apothecary at the British Library.


Friday, September 08, 2006

Tired but happy.

I've been using London Walks for the last couple of weeks (and must get round to donating to him at some point) and this week did two, from St Pauls to The Monument then back again.

Popped into Gosh and confirmed that Great Ormands Street Hospital have buggered up a release over here for Lost Girls for a year or two at least. Off to for me then. Anyone know if Paul Gambaccini is a comics fan? I thought it was him I was queueing up behind in Gosh but I didn't see his face and may have been crazy.

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Anyone know what this is?

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Wise words from Rachel From North London.


Stephen Green will be happy, as he managed to succeed in Wales where he failed in Brighton and get arrested for spreading the creed of the charmless bigots or, as they misleadingly call it, 'the will of God'.

Let's hope he spent his time wisely, like asking God to help us in the Ashes series this Winter as that's probably the only way we'll keep them.

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Well, I don't think anyone can deny that Tony Blair's got a large amount of courage. To basically say "Fuck all of youse!" as his official response to the crisis of his leadership over the last week is an... interesting tactic. What will he do if this doesn't work? Strip naked, smear himself with marmite and run around Parliament Green challenging MPs to wrestle? He didn't have to resign on the spot, but he could have made a dignified statement on the matter. Instead he's ended up with another hamfisted gesture like claiming the other week in the Times interview that anyone that didn't like him and what he was doing were reactionary Old Labour types. Does he think he can shame MPs into behaving as he wants? They voted for the Iraq war and tuition fees, they're pretty much shame-proof.

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Bye Bye Diet...

I've Found Them At Last!
Originally uploaded by Loz Flowers.

I've finally found a Tescos in North London that sells Tim Tams. It should only take me a few weeks to turn into Mr Creosote.

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Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Yowza! Tony Blair has seven resignations in one day. However, the build-up to and the pursuence of the War Against Terror has shown that Blair is more than capable of building and living in his own fantasy world, while his actions since becoming leader of the Labour Party show he likes nothing better than arguing with his own party. Still it's the funniest performance since Maggie Thatch was forced out.

I bet Tony Blair will be wishing for MI-5 or the police to find some really nasty terrorists right now. Or will he do a Francis Urquhart and leak to the media about another cabinet member's misdemeanors? Mind you, after the actualite of someone willingly have sex with John Prescott, it's doubtful whether any other perversity will turn heads.

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Tuesday, September 05, 2006

The Government says Tony Blair will be gone in a year, The Sun says he'll be going on the 31st May. Of course, all that happens now is that people say 'why wait?'

Why wait?

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Tony Blair urged to go by MPs. It was claimed on Newsnight last night that there are three letters, one from the 2005 intake of Labour MPs, one from 2001 new MPs and presumably a third from anyone else who isn't a die-hard Blair loyalist. The news prompted Cabinet Minister David Miliband to say he expected Mr Blair to quit in a year's time... But Mr Miliband stressed he did not have the planned timings from Mr Blair's own mouth.

It follows as a leaked memo detailing a farewell tour for Mr Blair.

The leaked memo?

A SENSATIONAL memo leaked to the Mirror reveals how Labour experts are planning Tony Blair's exit from No10. The retirement blueprint aims to promote the "triumph of Blairism" and allow the PM to quit on a wave of euphoria after 10 years in office. The secret strategy - drawn up by a small group of loyalists - is well under way. Mr Blair's "farewell tour" includes plans to appear on Blue Peter, Songs of Praise and Chris Evans' radio show.

Do you remember when Blair seemed to have a grasp of what cultural touchstones to press? On the other hand, if this is the Government trying to embarrass the Mirror like with the fake Iraq torture pictures that they published almost at the same time as the real torture pictures came out, then suggesting that Tony Blair will be going on Blue Peter and collecting his gold badge sounds like a joke in the Cabinet Office. "Psst! Put it in the memo that Tony wants to do Strictly Come Dancing too! Pfffffft!"

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Monday, September 04, 2006

Cool penlight thing.


Sunday, September 03, 2006

Diana Tributes at the Gates of Kensington Palace

Diana Tributes at the Gates of Kensington Palace
Originally uploaded by Loz Flowers.

I suppose idiocy doesn't have a 'use by' date, but nine years for fuck's sake. Murderors get less time inside. And that poster in the middle for 'dianaspeaks'? Turns out that Princess Di has more to tell the world than she ever said when she still had her own vocal chords so makes use of an intermediary called Andrew Russell. Still, looking at the gates of Kensington Palace makes it clear exactly who is still reading the Daily Express these days.

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Critics of Israel 'fuelling hatred of British Jews'. Oh here we go again. There is never any excuse for anti-Semitism, but when the Government and the David Aaronovitches and the Melanie Phillipses in the media try to suggest that any criticism of Israel is due to hatred of all Jews then I think that kind of sophistry does the Jewish community more harm than good.

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Saturday, September 02, 2006

I may have drunk a little before writing this...

Much as there are various levels to how terrified the Government would like us to be*, ranging from flacid to ejaculating with terror! should there not be some similar scale to Tony Blair's sanity, if not for us, then for the benefit of his MPs? Perhaps it could range from Clause 4 was outdated to I can tell which children are going to be troublemakers before they're born using my brane! What exactly is the Labour party up to? I've seen lemmings who've just been fired from their jobs as kamikaze pilots with better self-preservation skills than this shower of muppets. By encouraging a cult of personality Labour can confidently blame their current poor opinion poll figures on one man, Tony Blair. But presumably it's the memory of those dismal 1980s that's stopping them from kicking him off the throne before he takes to carrying a handbag and announcing "we are a grandmother", they're worried that if Blair leaves at any time other than of his own choosing then they are dooming themselves to another generation in Opposition. However, the harsh truth of politics is that Labour are now in a position where they could announce they've discovered a cure for eternal life and everyone will just moan "great, all that money I wasted on a pension scheme" while reading a four page colour supplement on the Leader of the Opposition drowning kittens.

But I'm torn as to why exactly Tony is hanging on, and I suspect Blair is too. He's now given up on any Earthly authority agreeing with him that invading Iraq was a good idea (I've heard that when he dies he wants his ashes blown into space as, considering the universe is infinite there'll be something out there with the power to bring him back to life and say "you were right") so he's now concentrating on what's really important: Fucking up Gordon Brown. He seems to have two options for doing this which are, unfortunately, fairly exclusive. However, Tony is not one for avoiding a decision when he can just take two paths. The first plan is to find a protege who could fight Brown and win. They've come and gone (Steven Byers) but generally it's whoever is wearing the number three jersey. He'll be very happy with how John Reid saved us all from terror over the summer* and the fact that people were more interested in the idea of John Prescott in a cowboy hat and very little else in June rather than the Chancellor's second son. And someone from John Reid's team was on Newsnight on Thursday to deny her boss had any ambitions for the top chair so that's about as clear as you can get: John Reid knows how to kill a man without leaving a mark, Gordon Brown should watch which alleyways he walks down.

Tony Blair's second plan is scorched earth, when he leaves Number 10 he'll also be leaving British politics, so with the Labour party having outlived it's usefulness to his ambitions he's quite happy to have it in such a parlous state that should Gordon Brown be leader he'll be so busy fighting fires in his own backyard that it'll make the Major years look like a model in how to run a tight ship. If Blair cannot prevent Brown becoming Prime Minister he certainly doesn't want him winning elections as well.

Blair stopped (even the pretense of) running this country for the benefit of the British people some time ago, 11th of September 2001 as memory serves. But now he's not doing it for the Americans or even Newscorp any more**, now he's doing it purely out of spite*.

* And how confident do you feel that, at the time of writing, the crisis level has not changed since the 14th of August?

** Both Blair and Reid have made recent pilgrimages to kiss the ring of Rupert Murdoch. Does anyone know the last time Gordon Brown made the necessary genuflections?

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Friday, September 01, 2006

Ooh, ooh ohh! Want! Want! Want!


Okay, so imagine you're a transvestite and, apart from that time around fourteen years ago when they caught you wearing some of the stuff from the back of your mother's wardrobe, you've never really talked to your parents about it. Not in a 'elephant in the corner of the room' kind of way, it's been touched upon but it's never been a real part of your relationship with them. Then they buy you this from your Amazon wishlist for your birthday. What would you think they're doing?

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