Blah Blah Flowers

That's if you misspell 'Jesus' by using a random collection of numbers and letters, but we're in the silly season and I have to fill this blog somehow. Much in the same way as the usual offenders but primarily the Daily Mail (because The Sun is still watching Big Brother in the hopes someone flashes a body part of some description). It seems that Madeleine has been kidnapped to order by Belgian paedophiles or taken by some distraught hippy and is now in the European Union or possibly OUTSIDE the European Union. She has truly become Schrödinger's Kidnap Victim, a waveform of probabilities encompassing the globe which will stay that way until someone collapses the waveform and finds the body, pulse optional.

Septicisle presents a warning from the future of what could lay ahead if the media continue down the path of filling column inches with the most meaningless gibberings of drunk holidaymakers. [via Bloggerheads]

Labels: Daily Mail, Madeleine McCann, media

Memo to the McCanns: you're not helping. Yes, almost six months later and someone 'just happens to remember' something that happened at the time of the disappearance of Madeleine McCann in which a figure was seen carrying a child wearing the identical nightclothes to Madeleine, but she didn't think it was important at the time and she can't remember what he or she looked like.

This is the biggest pile of shit on the planet since dinosaurs looked up and saw the meteor coming. The number of people genuinely concerned about this poor child's disappearance has, since the start, been massively outnumbered by the vast bulk of the British public who don't care. If the McCanns genuinely worry that public opinion is turning against them and it's not just another ploy to keep their name in the news then they need to stop pulling this crap. I mean, what is it supposed to achieve? Are they trying to annoy the United Kingdom so much that the entire country empties in to Portugal to find the body? The criminal investigation is being conducted in another country. If the McCanns are charged with their daughter's death then they will be on trial in another country where no Brits will be on the jury.

The sad truth is that the disappearance of this little girl is just another soap opera, up there with some stick-thin actresses new diet or Jade Goody's latest racist outburst. If people are less sympathetic it is perhaps because the McCann's mistook their interest in the story for genuine feeling, when in fact the public just want the story to end. After all, J.K. Rowling finished her story eventually, when are the McCann's going to have the grace to do the same? Have they not found their kid yet? That's too bad, shuffle them off the stage, we've got another celebrity sex scandal ready to go. If the McCanns refuse to go quietly well, fuck them. Who do they think they are?

Meanwhile, Charlie Brooker has it about right on the media's shameless behaviour during the summer.

Labels: journalists, Madeleine McCann, media

Kate McCann claims she's being persecuted for being beautiful. Well, pretty much . I think all pretence that they are playing the media for the sake of Madeleine is gone now, now it seems they are trying to game the British public to support them if the Portuguese police decide to charge them with Madeleine's murder.

Ten shiny new pence for the first person who puts a "Leave Kate McCann alone!" video up on YouTube.

Labels: Madeleine McCann, media

If there was one thing that would make me suspect that the parents were somehow involved in the disappearance of Madeleine McCann it's the soap opera style of the unfolding of the story. Yesterday was all about how the Portuguese police had decided not to charge the parents unless they find a body and more conclusive evidence, today it's all about whether a couple of pixels in a photo show Madeleine is in Spain because, of course, there aren't going to be any other children in the whole of Spain and any differences between the two children, such as hair colour, can be explained by hair dye, not the possibility that OF COURSE THIS ISN'T HER! Another alternative is that Paul Dacre arranged this kidnapping so his paper would have something to write about all Summer between gaps in it's attacks on the BBC. I think we've long past the stage where this is a valid possibility worth examining.

Labels: Madeleine McCann, media, newspapers

Isn't British policing wonderful? Isn't foreign policing awful? Wouldn't things just be better for everyone if British police officers policed the planet?

It would seem that nothing else happened over the weekend. Yes BBC News 24, I'm looking at you. Blanket coverage of the McCann's driving to the airport, then repeated ad nauseam until the plane they were on touched down in the UK, then that was rolled around until they returned home to the village they live in, now that's swarming with reporters with no news to report.

There's been talk over the last weeks of how the BBC should cut back on it's digital channels so that minority interest shows like The Today Programme on Radio 4 aren't axed. Now, as far as I'm aware Today is only listened to by politicians, newspaper columnists who need inspiration to fulminate against the world and retired early risers in the counties. It's The Archers for Westminster folk, of practically no use to anyone else. Still, I'd be quite happy to sacrifice BBC3 to keeping it open, if it could be sealed in concrete, along with the casts of Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps and TittyBangBang , and dumped in the North Sea, then that is something to be applauded. But hands off BBC4 which, with a few exceptions, is like Radio 4 only people pay attention to it. News24, I still don't understand why our money is wasted on this. If you watch News24 then you realise very quickly that, just because something newsworthy could happen any time, that does not mean that news is happening any time. Or rather, there is lots of news going on that the BBC don't bother covering. It increasingly seems that when anything happens outside of Washington then the BBC turn over coverage to ABC. I can't remember Western Africa cropping up in the news since Mark Thatcher and a load of ex-Eton pupils decided to try and take a country over for a laugh. Those little Russian or ex-Russian states round the edge of the old U.S.S.R. don't get a look in (is there still a civil war going on in Chechnya? I watch News24, so I don't know). And China? Supposedly Murdoch dropped the BBC from a satellite TV package he wanted to flog to the Chinese people, I don't know why because they only ever get mentioned in the financial news.

So yes, let's shut down News 24 and BBC3, and give the money to John Humphrys for his pointless little show.

Labels: BBC, Madeleine McCann, media, news, police

Madeleine McCann's parents may release charity single. Oh fuck off . Elsewhere though, it is gratifying to see that an increasingly large number of people are getting involved in increasingly surreal Maddy-related activities that are arse-all to do with finding the poor girl. In Afghanistan, campaigners will fly 50 kites emblazoned with pictures of the missing four-year-old, a report on the FindMadeleine website said. And in California, 50 white doves will be released.

Jesus, things must be bad if you've got people in Afghanistan sorry for you. Presumably next up will be Osama Bin Ladin releasing a video message asking anyone who knows anything about what happened to Madeleine to get in touch with her godless infidel parents. But there's adverts in cinemas now, voiced by Judge Judy Dench, asking for people with information to get in touch. Might I suggest that the McCann's see if they can get a part in the next series of C.S.I. Miami because Horatio Caine is ace at finding kiddies.

Labels: Madeleine McCann