Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Text Adventure Pop Songs
I'm not sure if I've invented a meme or rediscovered an old one, but pop music in the style of those old text-driven adventure games. Ok Go!
Common People by Pulp.
>LEAVE GREECE
She came from Greece, she had a thirst for knowledge
>GET PLANE TO HEATHROW
>GET TRAIN TO LONDON
>GET TUBE TO HOLBORN
>EXIT TUBE STATION
>N
>ENTER Central Saint Martins College of Art and Design
>ENROL ON SCULPTURE COURSE
She studied sculpture at Saint Martin's College
>LOOK
>EXAMINE TALL AND POOR LOOKING MAN
That's where I caught her eye
>SAY TO MAN "MY DAD HAS LOTS OF MONEY"
She told me that her Dad was loaded
I said "In that case I'll have rum and coca-cola
>SAY TO MAN "FINE"
She said "fine"
>WAIT
>WAIT
>WAIT
And then in 30 seconds time she said
>BEGIN CLASS TOURISM
"I want to live like common people
I want to do whatever common people do
I want to sleep with common people
I want to sleep with common people like you"
>WAIT
Well what else could I do?
I said "I'll see what I can do"
>LEAVE Central Saint Martins College of Art and Design
>S
>ENTER Sainsburys
I took her to a supermarket
>SAY TO MAN "WHY ARE WE HERE?"
I don't know why
but I had to start it somewhere
so it started there
I said "pretend you've got no money"
>LAUGH
but she just laughed
>SAY TO MAN "Oh YOU'RE SO FUNNY"
and said "oh you're so funny"
I said "Yeah
Well I can't see anyone else smiling in here
Are you sure
you want to live like common people
you want to see whatever common people see
you want to sleep with common people
you want to sleep with common people like me?"
>SAY TO MAN "PARDON?"
But she didn't understand
>SMILE
>GET HIS HAND
she just smiled and held my hand
>BUY A COPY OF LOOT
>EXAMINE LOOT
>ARRANGE VIEWING OF PROPERTIES ABOVE SHOPS WITH LOW WEEKLY RENT
>ARRANGE TENANCY CONTRACT FOR PROPERTY
Rent a flat above a shop
>VISIT HAIRDRESSERS
>HAVE HAIR CUT
>VISIT JOB CENTRE
>SIGN ON JOB SEEKERS ALLOWANCE
Cut your hair and get a job
>VISIT NEWSAGENTS
>BUY CIGARETTES
>SMOKE CIGARETTES
>VISIT POOL HALL
>PLAY POOL
Smoke some fags and play some pool
>DROP THE LETTER 'H' FROM SPEECH
>MIS-SPELL WRITTEN COMMUNICATIONS
Pretend you never went to school
But still you'll never get it right
>GO TO BED
'cos when you're laid in bed at night
>EXAMINE WALLS
watching roaches climb the wall
>CONSIDER PHONING FATHER
if you called your dad he could stop it all
yeah
You'll never live like common people
You'll never do whatever common people do
You'll never fail like common people
You'll never watch your life slide out of view
and then dance and drink and screw
because there's nothing else to do
>VISIT PUB IN A WORKING CLASS AREA
>SING
Sing along with the common people
Sing along and it might just get you through
>LAUGH
Laugh along with the common people
Laugh along although they're laughing at you
>DO SOMETHING STUPID
and the stupid things that you do
>THINK 'POOR IS COOL'
because you think that poor is cool
Like a dog lying in a corner
they will bite you and never warn you
Look out
they'll tear your insides out
>VISIT A&E DEPARTMENT
>ASK NURSE FOR TREATMENT FOR BITES
>ASK NURSE FOR RABIES SHOT
'cos everybody hates a tourist
especially one who thinks
>LAUGH AT A&E
>GO TO WORK
>LAUGH
>GO TO FLAT
>LAUGH
>GO TO POOL HALL
>LAUGH
>LEAVE HURRIEDLY
it's all such a laugh
>GO TO FLAT
>PREPARE BATH
yeah and the chip stains and grease
>WASH OFF CHIP STAINS
>WASH OFF GREASE
will come out in the bath
>UNDERSTAND HOW IT FEELS TO LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH NO MEANING OR CONTROL AND WITH NOWHERE LEFT TO GO
(fail)
>UNDERSTAND HOW IT FEELS TO LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH NO MEANING OR CONTROL AND WITH NOWHERE LEFT TO GO
(fail)
>UNDERSTAND HOW IT FEELS TO LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH NO MEANING OR CONTROL AND WITH NOWHERE LEFT TO GO
(fail)
>UNDERSTAND HOW IT FEELS TO LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH NO MEANING OR CONTROL AND WITH NOWHERE LEFT TO GO
(fail)
You will never understand
how it feels to live your life
with no meaning or control
and with nowhere left to go
>GIVE UP
>BE AMAZED AT HOW WONDERFUL THE WORKING CLASS PEOPLE ARE
You are amazed that they exist
and they burn so bright
whilst you can only wonder why
>BUY A COPY OF LOOT
>EXAMINE LOOT
>ARRANGE VIEWING OF DIFFERENT PROPERTIES ABOVE SHOPS WITH LOW WEEKLY RENT
>ARRANGE TENANCY CONTRACT FOR A NEW PROPERTY
Rent a flat above a shop
>VISIT HAIRDRESSERS
>HAVE ANOTHER HAIR CUT
>VISIT JOB CENTRE
>SIGN ON JOB SEEKERS
>LISTEN AS IT'S EXPLAINED THAT SIGNING ON TO JOB SEEKERS ALLOWANCE TWICE IS 'FRAUD'
>APOLOGISE
Cut your hair and get a job
>VISIT NEWSAGENTS
>BUY CIGARETTES
>SMOKE CIGARETTES
>VISIT POOL HALL
>PLAY POOL
Smoke some fags and play some pool
>DROP THE LETTER 'H' FROM SPEECH
>MIS-SPELL WRITTEN COMMUNICATIONS
Pretend you never went to school
But still you'll never get it right
>GO TO BED
'cos when you're laid in bed at night
>EXAMINE WALLS
watching roaches climb the wall
>CONSIDER PHONING FATHER
if you called your dad he could stop it all
yeah
You'll never live like common people
You'll never do whatever common people do
You'll never fail like common people
You'll never watch your life slide out of view
and then dance and drink and screw
'because there's nothing else to do
I want to live with common people like you.....
>STOP CLASS TOURISM
Common People by Pulp.
>LEAVE GREECE
She came from Greece, she had a thirst for knowledge
>GET PLANE TO HEATHROW
>GET TRAIN TO LONDON
>GET TUBE TO HOLBORN
>EXIT TUBE STATION
>N
>ENTER Central Saint Martins College of Art and Design
>ENROL ON SCULPTURE COURSE
She studied sculpture at Saint Martin's College
>LOOK
>EXAMINE TALL AND POOR LOOKING MAN
That's where I caught her eye
>SAY TO MAN "MY DAD HAS LOTS OF MONEY"
She told me that her Dad was loaded
I said "In that case I'll have rum and coca-cola
>SAY TO MAN "FINE"
She said "fine"
>WAIT
>WAIT
>WAIT
And then in 30 seconds time she said
>BEGIN CLASS TOURISM
"I want to live like common people
I want to do whatever common people do
I want to sleep with common people
I want to sleep with common people like you"
>WAIT
Well what else could I do?
I said "I'll see what I can do"
>LEAVE Central Saint Martins College of Art and Design
>S
>ENTER Sainsburys
I took her to a supermarket
>SAY TO MAN "WHY ARE WE HERE?"
I don't know why
but I had to start it somewhere
so it started there
I said "pretend you've got no money"
>LAUGH
but she just laughed
>SAY TO MAN "Oh YOU'RE SO FUNNY"
and said "oh you're so funny"
I said "Yeah
Well I can't see anyone else smiling in here
Are you sure
you want to live like common people
you want to see whatever common people see
you want to sleep with common people
you want to sleep with common people like me?"
>SAY TO MAN "PARDON?"
But she didn't understand
>SMILE
>GET HIS HAND
she just smiled and held my hand
>BUY A COPY OF LOOT
>EXAMINE LOOT
>ARRANGE VIEWING OF PROPERTIES ABOVE SHOPS WITH LOW WEEKLY RENT
>ARRANGE TENANCY CONTRACT FOR PROPERTY
Rent a flat above a shop
>VISIT HAIRDRESSERS
>HAVE HAIR CUT
>VISIT JOB CENTRE
>SIGN ON JOB SEEKERS ALLOWANCE
Cut your hair and get a job
>VISIT NEWSAGENTS
>BUY CIGARETTES
>SMOKE CIGARETTES
>VISIT POOL HALL
>PLAY POOL
Smoke some fags and play some pool
>DROP THE LETTER 'H' FROM SPEECH
>MIS-SPELL WRITTEN COMMUNICATIONS
Pretend you never went to school
But still you'll never get it right
>GO TO BED
'cos when you're laid in bed at night
>EXAMINE WALLS
watching roaches climb the wall
>CONSIDER PHONING FATHER
if you called your dad he could stop it all
yeah
You'll never live like common people
You'll never do whatever common people do
You'll never fail like common people
You'll never watch your life slide out of view
and then dance and drink and screw
because there's nothing else to do
>VISIT PUB IN A WORKING CLASS AREA
>SING
Sing along with the common people
Sing along and it might just get you through
>LAUGH
Laugh along with the common people
Laugh along although they're laughing at you
>DO SOMETHING STUPID
and the stupid things that you do
>THINK 'POOR IS COOL'
because you think that poor is cool
Like a dog lying in a corner
they will bite you and never warn you
Look out
they'll tear your insides out
>VISIT A&E DEPARTMENT
>ASK NURSE FOR TREATMENT FOR BITES
>ASK NURSE FOR RABIES SHOT
'cos everybody hates a tourist
especially one who thinks
>LAUGH AT A&E
>GO TO WORK
>LAUGH
>GO TO FLAT
>LAUGH
>GO TO POOL HALL
>LAUGH
>LEAVE HURRIEDLY
it's all such a laugh
>GO TO FLAT
>PREPARE BATH
yeah and the chip stains and grease
>WASH OFF CHIP STAINS
>WASH OFF GREASE
will come out in the bath
>UNDERSTAND HOW IT FEELS TO LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH NO MEANING OR CONTROL AND WITH NOWHERE LEFT TO GO
(fail)
>UNDERSTAND HOW IT FEELS TO LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH NO MEANING OR CONTROL AND WITH NOWHERE LEFT TO GO
(fail)
>UNDERSTAND HOW IT FEELS TO LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH NO MEANING OR CONTROL AND WITH NOWHERE LEFT TO GO
(fail)
>UNDERSTAND HOW IT FEELS TO LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH NO MEANING OR CONTROL AND WITH NOWHERE LEFT TO GO
(fail)
You will never understand
how it feels to live your life
with no meaning or control
and with nowhere left to go
>GIVE UP
>BE AMAZED AT HOW WONDERFUL THE WORKING CLASS PEOPLE ARE
You are amazed that they exist
and they burn so bright
whilst you can only wonder why
>BUY A COPY OF LOOT
>EXAMINE LOOT
>ARRANGE VIEWING OF DIFFERENT PROPERTIES ABOVE SHOPS WITH LOW WEEKLY RENT
>ARRANGE TENANCY CONTRACT FOR A NEW PROPERTY
Rent a flat above a shop
>VISIT HAIRDRESSERS
>HAVE ANOTHER HAIR CUT
>VISIT JOB CENTRE
>SIGN ON JOB SEEKERS
>LISTEN AS IT'S EXPLAINED THAT SIGNING ON TO JOB SEEKERS ALLOWANCE TWICE IS 'FRAUD'
>APOLOGISE
Cut your hair and get a job
>VISIT NEWSAGENTS
>BUY CIGARETTES
>SMOKE CIGARETTES
>VISIT POOL HALL
>PLAY POOL
Smoke some fags and play some pool
>DROP THE LETTER 'H' FROM SPEECH
>MIS-SPELL WRITTEN COMMUNICATIONS
Pretend you never went to school
But still you'll never get it right
>GO TO BED
'cos when you're laid in bed at night
>EXAMINE WALLS
watching roaches climb the wall
>CONSIDER PHONING FATHER
if you called your dad he could stop it all
yeah
You'll never live like common people
You'll never do whatever common people do
You'll never fail like common people
You'll never watch your life slide out of view
and then dance and drink and screw
'because there's nothing else to do
I want to live with common people like you.....
>STOP CLASS TOURISM
Labels: Britpop, humour, music, TextAdventurePopSongs
