Monday, December 17, 2007

Tad Safran: I'm never getting laid in the UK again.

With lots of 'I'm sorry... sorry you suck!' language.

What started out as a light-hearted, anecdotal account of my impressions of dating women on both sides of the Atlantic has exploded into a national furore.

Which is a slight exaggeration. Northern Rock collapsing was a national furore. The Government losing people's personal data was a national furore. You just pissed off a bunch of people with access to the Internets.

I was utterly unprepared for the avalanche [of responses], but I stick to my guns: when British women reach the age where looking good is no longer effortless, they seem unwilling or unable to rise to the challenge. And judging by the vitriol of the response, I realise I’ve not only touched a nerve, I’ve reached into the underbelly of a deep, dark insecurity. Nobody gets that defensive about something they don’t care about...

...And God forbid any woman should be motivated by trying to attract a man. Apparently British women have overcome a billion years of biology.

Tad, meet Nirpal. Congratulations on deciding that a)lesbians don't exist (although I suppose we should be thankful you restrained your charming wit from making a 'joke' about them being the fat ladies), b) generalising from your own experience that men only want size 0 girls.

And I can’t help feeling I’ve let British women off lightly. It’s not just the Americans you don’t compare to: British women don’t have the curves of the Italians, the simmering sexuality of the Spanish, the sophistication of the French or the openness of the Scandinavians.

So what do British women have? Top spot in the European obesity table. Top spot in the European teen pregnancy table. And the only spots (besides Denmark) in the chart showing rising alcohol consumption among women in western Europe.

Well done, Britain. If what women are striving for is the ability to get hammered and fall over in the street, Britain is a feminist paradise from coast to coast.

And a last minute invoking of the 'feminist=ugly' myth. That should generate enough heat to keep several old folks homes warm for the winter.

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