Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Tony Blair is due to try to repair the damage done to Labour's local election prospects by the scandals engulfing his deputy and the home secretary.

If he was serious about improving his party's chances in elections then a scene from Blackadder Goes Forth comes irresistably to mind...

Melchett: Now, Field Marshal Haig has formulated a brilliant new tactical plan to ensure final victory in the field. [they gather around a model of the battlefield]

Blackadder: Now, would this brilliant plan involve us climbing out of our trenches and walking slowly towards the enemy sir?

Darling: How can you possibly know that Blackadder? It's classified information.

Blackadder: It's the same plan that we used last time, and the seventeen times before that.

Melchett: E-E-Exactly! And that is what so brilliant about it! We will catch the watchful Hun totally off guard! Doing precisely what we have done eighteen times before is exactly the last thing they'll expect us to do this time!
There is however one small problem.

Blackadder: That everyone always gets slaughtered the first ten seconds.

Melchett: That's right! And Field Marshal Haig is worried that this may be depressing the men a tadge. So, he's looking to find a way to cheer them up.

Blackadder: Well, his resignation and suicide would seem the obvious solution.

Mr Blair, your duty is clear! To paraphrase Beyond the Fringe instead, "Pop over to Iraq, have a shufti, don't come back."

(Script via The Pleasure Dome)


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