Monday, May 29, 2006

I am here to eat your spleens!

I can't help but think it should be a duty of all directors to go through their films in the editing stage and make sure that they haven't, somehow, accidentally allowed Ralph Fiennes to wander into any of their shots. Admittedly that causes problems if, for example, you're Fernando Meirelles and you're filming The Constant Gardener but it's nothing that couldn't be fixed by doing something revolutionary like not hiring Ralph fucking Fiennes! Is it clear how much I dislike Fiennes? I really wish they hadn't cast him as Voldemort in the Harry Potter franchise, unless for the next film is directed by Mike Leigh and they give Dan Radcliffe some speed and a baseball bat and encourage him to 'improvise how he thinks Harry would feel in this situation'.

I must admit I'm not sure exactly why I dislike Ralph, though his insistence on it being pronounced 'Rafe' is a start. I think the way he walks around every film as though he longs to break the fourth wall and shout at the crowd "Look, do you see? I'm acting! I'm an actor!" And those smiles that never reach his eyes, and the tears that never come from those eyes when he's crying.

Apart from him the film is pretty good, though the first forty minutes seem like the weirdest BBC documentary ever about pharmaceutical skullduggery in Africa.


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