Sunday, February 12, 2006

I've been neglecting you mon petit filous , I know and I'm sorry. I've been terribly tired all day, not helped by the constant rain and the grey sky. There's also someone in the neighbourhood who seems to look on fireworks in the same way other families might go out for burgers. They set a load off earlier. What's with that? We get them for Bonfire Night, Diwali, New Years... Was it someone's birthday, or did someone think "Meh, I'm bored, I'm going to go set off some fireworks in the rain"?

I think the tiredness is mainly the psychosomatic backlash from BiFest yesterday. I did have a good time but when I got home yesterday evening the first thing I thought was "I've got to get out of this skirt!" Now, feelings of self-worth and body image aside, one of the things I am not hung up on is the whole transvesticism thing. I find I do get a bit short if I'm in a situation where people think I'm trying to pass as a lay-dee because that's not what I'm doing. Nobody yesterday was doing that.

But it was more tied in with being out after dark. I don't think I have explicitly stated it here but I was jumped one evening coming home during December 2004. I was wearing a skirt at the time. Initially they didn't manage to do anything but cause me to scuff my knees as I was punched to the ground but the long-term effect has been a certain skittishness about being out after dark. Of course, with our climate and with work that has been unavoidable and I can deal with that. I've also been out in skirts since then, during the day.

Yesterday I knew I'd be coming home in the dark. The obvious answer would have been to just wear trousers yesterday but as much as there was that anticipatory fear, that somehow all the bigots in North London would be coming out of their crypts with sundown, there was also a certain amount of anger at myself for feeling like that, meaning I couldn't not do it, it was either go to BiFest in a skirt or not go at all. So I went, I came back, I walked just over a mile from a train station to my flat through the early evening and of course, I was fine. But I think spending Friday evening and then Saturday afternoon working myself up over the maybes left me somewhat short at the mental bank. And my frustration last night about me worrying about nothing last night made me regret the reason I was so worked up in the first place.

Still, at least this gives me a nice little tale to tell my counsellor this week. I'd hate to feel that I had such a pointless life there was nothing of interest to report ;)

In lighter matters, episode three of The IT Crowd was very disappointing, especially after I'd been so positive last week. Despite some good individual jokes, pretty much from Moss and Ray again, it was let down by bad writing over Jen's character. Two thirds of the way through she reveals her problem is that she is always lying, unfortunately up to that point in the script she hasn't really lied, unless you could the lie of omission in her not letting a security guard she fancies know that she really didn't know the answer to some classical music questions he asked and just guessed. When he phones her as his phone a friend when he appears on Who Wants to be a Millionaire she of course gets the answer wrong. But then, because he asked her out on a date beforehand, they for some reason feel obliged to go through on the date despite now not fancying each other any more.

Battlestar Galactica meanwhile, seems to have decided to spend the second half of it's second season doing all the things it hadn't done in the first half. Consistant characterisation is out of the window with crew members on the verge of mental breakdown one week and fine the next. Also, a couple of weeks ago the fleet got a second Battlestar-class ship. However, despite a few references here and there that's been largely ignored and doesn't appear to have had any effect on the fleet. The stories we've had since then haven't been bad exactly just ill-timed. We've had stories about humans in the fleet who think that peace should be made with the Cylons which, considering they are the last few hundred thousand representatives of planets that were destroyed by the Cylons less than a year ago by their terms would seem to stretch credibility. I can't understand how a show could have been so genuinely surprising a few months ago then loose it suddenly, so quickly.


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