Monday, January 23, 2006

The problem with having an LJ is that after a while you get used to putting personal stuff in there, where you can hide it behind the Friends Only filter. I had an interview at work today for a temporary post acting as manager at one of the other libraries in the group. I'm not too fussed about whether I get it or not, it would be nice but the main thing for me was putting myself through the whole process of job interviews and whathaveyou as this may well be the year where I look to move on, and the last interview I had was almost exactly six years ago, for the job I have now.

What really didn't help last night was the insomnia. Everyone I've mentioned it to thinks it was my unconscious stressing out over the prospect of the interview, that does seem the obvious answer but I genuinely wasn't concerned about it at a conscious level and normally the prospect of change doesn't like to lurk behind the scenes but makes sure it has centre stage in the performance of my life (something else I'm taking steps to get to grips with this year). So after dozing off around 11:00 pm I woke about half an hour later and didn't get back to sleep until around 5:00 am, getting up and playing around on the computer, trying to read or watching television didn't do the trick. Eventually I lay there and listened to my iPod and sheer exhaustion won out.

By the way, did you know that around 4:00 am, if you turn to the music channels they have this podgy guy gyrating in the bottom right corner and doing the sign language translations of pop music? I was hopeful for a moment that perhaps I'd fallen asleep and was dreaming I was watching music telly but unfortunately not. Have these music channels done research that makes them think there's money to be made from insomniac deaf people who want to experience Kelis' 'Trick Me' as best they can?

Anyway, I felt crap all day, it didn't help that the library was freezing because the cold wind was blowing straight in through the automatic doors whenever someone came in or out. My interview was at 4:00 so although it gave me some time to do the revision I'd largely neglected over the weekend it also meant that by 3:00 pm I was starting to feel nervous and couldn't concentrate on what I was reading any more.

Management interviews these days also include having to throw together a couple of minute presentation on a subject that you don't get given until a half-hour before the interview. Luckily for me the subject turned out to be 'starting up a book group', something I've been involved with indirectly, so I was able to throw something together. Having a job interview is certainly better than Red Bull at giving you an adrenaline rush to banish the tiredness and keep you buzzing for the rest of the day, unfortunately the fatigue stayed in my brain long enough to make my answers to the interview questions vague and rambling, and I know I didn't present myself as best as I could, and as everyone in that interview room knew me I know that's going to be what they tell me when they tell me tomorrow that I didn't get it.

Frankly though I don't care as long as I get a good night's sleep.


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