Friday, March 26, 2004
Gather round children and let me tell you a story...
Tony ran a small country somewhere off the eastern coast of America. And he had a problem. He needed gas and oil for the people in his country and had thought that if he made friends with the man who ran the United States he might help him get oil and gas from over the hill and far away. The man in the US, who was called Georgie-Porgie said "Yes, I'll help you Tony. If you help me get a 'in-ter-nat-ion-al co-alit-ion' so I come bomb this country without anyone complaining then you can share the oil this country have." So Tony agreed and soon everyone was saying "Well, if Tony Blair thinks it's all right then it must be all right, for he is a man of principle and integrity."
A few years passed and it had all gone wrong for Tony. Georgie-Porgie wanted to invade more countries because they had said rude things about his Dad. Now when Tony said everyone should help Georgie-Porgie people said "Huh! That Tony Blair, he's no more than Georgie-Porgie's poodle! We shouldn't listen to him!" And when Tony went to Georgie-Porgie and asked for the gas and oil he needed, Georgie-Porgie looked at him and said "Gas and oil? We weren't doing this for gas and oil. We were doing this because Saddam Bin Ladin had Weapons of Mass Destruction and tortured his people." Tony was in a jam. No-one liked him because of his sticking by Georgie-Porgie and if he had nothing to show for it then he would loose his job and his house. Then he had a brainwave. He'd just copy Georgie-Porgie. He'd find an oil-rich country and take it.
But the bank manager, Gordon, told Tony he was overdrawn. "My wife Prudence doesn't think you're a safe bet." Said Gordon. "If I give you more money I couldn't be sure you could pay me back." What could Tony do?
Then Tony had another brainwave. He made a phone call.
"Hello, it's Tony here." He said to a foreign leader. "I know we haven't talked much but I've got an idea that could help both of us out."
"Oh yes?" Said the foreign leader.
"I'm friends with Georgie-Porgie. What if I were to persuade him that your country isn't a part of the Axis of Evil any more? You could rejoin the International Community again."
"And what would I have to do in return?" Said the foreign leader.
"Dismantle those big catapults you were trying to build and promise you won't try to build any more." Said Tony.
"Done." Said the foreign leader (who was secretely relieved because he hadn't found a way to stop the elastic in the catapults from breaking).
So Tony went to Georgie-Porgie and told him how the foreign leader, whose name was Muammar, had promised to throw away his big catapults and how it had all been due to Georgie's inspiration. But as Tony left Georgie-Porgies' big white house he could already hear Georgie-Porgie talking about the oil and gas in Muammar's country. So he decided he would have to act first and make it clear to Muammar that he would be a much better friend than Georgie-Porgie could ever be. So he visited the country, despite the fact that it wasn't the normally done thing and despite the fact that some of the people in his country blamed friends of Muammar for killing their friends and family. And Tony introduced Muammar to his friend Mr Shell, who worked in the petrol station. And Tony hoped that they would all, finally, live happily ever after.
Tony ran a small country somewhere off the eastern coast of America. And he had a problem. He needed gas and oil for the people in his country and had thought that if he made friends with the man who ran the United States he might help him get oil and gas from over the hill and far away. The man in the US, who was called Georgie-Porgie said "Yes, I'll help you Tony. If you help me get a 'in-ter-nat-ion-al co-alit-ion' so I come bomb this country without anyone complaining then you can share the oil this country have." So Tony agreed and soon everyone was saying "Well, if Tony Blair thinks it's all right then it must be all right, for he is a man of principle and integrity."
A few years passed and it had all gone wrong for Tony. Georgie-Porgie wanted to invade more countries because they had said rude things about his Dad. Now when Tony said everyone should help Georgie-Porgie people said "Huh! That Tony Blair, he's no more than Georgie-Porgie's poodle! We shouldn't listen to him!" And when Tony went to Georgie-Porgie and asked for the gas and oil he needed, Georgie-Porgie looked at him and said "Gas and oil? We weren't doing this for gas and oil. We were doing this because Saddam Bin Ladin had Weapons of Mass Destruction and tortured his people." Tony was in a jam. No-one liked him because of his sticking by Georgie-Porgie and if he had nothing to show for it then he would loose his job and his house. Then he had a brainwave. He'd just copy Georgie-Porgie. He'd find an oil-rich country and take it.
But the bank manager, Gordon, told Tony he was overdrawn. "My wife Prudence doesn't think you're a safe bet." Said Gordon. "If I give you more money I couldn't be sure you could pay me back." What could Tony do?
Then Tony had another brainwave. He made a phone call.
"Hello, it's Tony here." He said to a foreign leader. "I know we haven't talked much but I've got an idea that could help both of us out."
"Oh yes?" Said the foreign leader.
"I'm friends with Georgie-Porgie. What if I were to persuade him that your country isn't a part of the Axis of Evil any more? You could rejoin the International Community again."
"And what would I have to do in return?" Said the foreign leader.
"Dismantle those big catapults you were trying to build and promise you won't try to build any more." Said Tony.
"Done." Said the foreign leader (who was secretely relieved because he hadn't found a way to stop the elastic in the catapults from breaking).
So Tony went to Georgie-Porgie and told him how the foreign leader, whose name was Muammar, had promised to throw away his big catapults and how it had all been due to Georgie's inspiration. But as Tony left Georgie-Porgies' big white house he could already hear Georgie-Porgie talking about the oil and gas in Muammar's country. So he decided he would have to act first and make it clear to Muammar that he would be a much better friend than Georgie-Porgie could ever be. So he visited the country, despite the fact that it wasn't the normally done thing and despite the fact that some of the people in his country blamed friends of Muammar for killing their friends and family. And Tony introduced Muammar to his friend Mr Shell, who worked in the petrol station. And Tony hoped that they would all, finally, live happily ever after.
