Tuesday, December 30, 2003

Inflatable Jelly-Moulds of Jesus, what are these people doing in the library? I'm here because I have to be, what are these people doing here by choice? It's cold and raining outside, if I had any choice I'd be wrapped up in bed with a hot water bottle and a big bottle of that wine my prospective brother-in-law introduced me to over Christmas. Anyway, quiz-time, courtesy of Nina.

1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?

Bicon, without a doubt. I don't want to go into it all again, but although I've never been ashamed of my sexuality it did make me realise that I have been neglecting that aspect of myself to concentrate on other things, which possibly wasn't a good idea.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

My only resolution for 2003 was to cut out sweets from my diet, which was pretty succesful until the Summer when I had a binge, then stopped again as Winter came in. So far my only resolution for 2004 is to cut fizzy drinks out of my
diet, except when I'm in filthpubs with mates and have no choice. But I'm also considering making myself get out of the house and do something at least once every other weekend, above and beyond whatever other plans I make
to meet up with people. It's ridiculous that I've got one of the largest cultural cities in the world to the south of me, lots of which it costs relatively little to see and I let sloth and lethargy stop me from seeing it.

Actually, another resolution should be to email the people in my address book more often, and not just to pass on the latest comedy email. If the families of the 21st century are friends rather than blood kin, then I've been neglecting my 21st century family chronically over the last year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Not really. My cousin and his wife had their second, but I only heard of it in dispatches.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Nan. I've had three dreams involving her and her death, which is rare as I almost never dream about real people, more often than not just identityless or made-up characters. In one case she was coming back for a party, in one case she was still living in her house, despite being dead and the last had her little semi-detached turned into a school for teenagers, now she wasn't there any more. Verr strange, as absolutely no-one would say. I'm possibly mis-remembering half-forgotten dreams but I think there was a cat in each of them, she certainly didn't have any pets while I was alive.

5. What countries did you visit?

Absolutely none, physically anyway. Me and travelling don't get on well. I must admit I don't feel a desire to travel at the moment, not even the 'flight to the sun' impulse. When the grisly totalitarian nightmare future of Star Trek descends upon us all and we can beam instantly somewhere, then I'll be interested.

6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?

The inclination to write and less of a need to sleep so I can stay up late writing, have a few hours sleep, then wake up refreshed and ready for work the next morning.

7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Hmmm, I may return to this at a later date. I've had some good experiences and whatnot, but at the moment I can't think of anything particularly 'standout'y.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Surviving it. 2003 hasn't been a particularly bad or good year but in too many ways it's been like a hiatus year, which is what led to me stressing out the week before Christmas. Too much waiting for stuff. Of course, saying this sort of thing is just an incitement for the big wobbly spirits make 2004 a living hell that makes me look back in fondness on the blankness of this year, but I'm trying to think positively.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not writing much. Not getting my bloody pointless Chartership from CILIP.

Living alone could fit in to either of the last two, depending on my mood.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Well, I had that strange cold that kept ebbing and flowing during the year, turning up whenever it was most inconvenient. I hope that doesn't continue into the new year or, if it does, that it becomes worse so that I can actually take some symptoms to the Doctor and be told that I have a genuine problem.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Some stunning skirts.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

Plums, who has been unceasingly above and beyond the call all year, with the prodding of my buttocks with a sharp stick when I needed it, or the big hugs when I needed them. She's the Galadriel to my Frodo, just without the scary
lighting. Or am I Gimli? Hang on, maybe I'm Pippin... oh sod it, I'm confused now. She's Frodo and I'm Gollum. My precious...

Mentions must also go out to Saxey and Haus, winners of 2003's 'Most scary, tall and invariably dressed in black without being Goths' couples event, and to the lovely Angel. You're all my bitches.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

Bush, Blair... How could they manage to make such a pigs ear of wanting to go to war against one of the most hated people in the world? Is it because of the out-and-out contempt they showed for everyone else? The fact that there was never any doubt that we were going to war? The fact they used arguments which didn't stand up for a minute? The fact that Iraqis were, are and will die because of this and they never gave a shit? The fact that Bush and Blair are both using this to clamp down on the freedoms of their populations like they were some tinpot third world dictator and most people (yes David 'stupid self-satisfied goatea' Aaronvitch, I'm looking at you, and you as well Chris Hitchens) think it's okay because Saddam was a bad man too. I'd pay good money if the next time Bush gives one of his little speeches in front of people who wouldn't dare to disrupt things by doing something like moving suddenly, we could pipe in the soundtrack from one of those Nuremberg rallies, see if a sudden chorus of 'Seig Heil! Seig Heil' makes the monster loose his grip for a moment and salute back.

Honourable mention to David Blunkett for his policy of 'Doing whatever The Sun and the Daily Mail want me to'. If there's an illegal immigration problem in this country it is because those two papers created it, I object to Government money being used to demonise honest people because it's the only way those two papers are allowed to be openly rascist any more.

And to a much much lesser extent, Grant Morrison. I don't know whether working on movies in America is taking up too much of his time, but he's spent the last year putting out comics that make no sense and lack cohesiveness.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Technically, food. But I probably bought more DVDs than strictly necessary, I could do with cutting them out for a couple of months and getting down to working my way through the two dozen or so books I've got on my shelf, some of which have been there for two years.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Seeing friends. The Two Towers DVD. The Return of the King. The return of The Matrix which was a partially satisfying experience.

16. What song will always remind you of 2003?

Anything by The Darkness. In seven years time, when they do 'I heart the Noughties' The Darkness will get their five minutes and we'll all go, "what was it that made us like them?"

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?

Neh. Probably marginally sadder.

ii. thinner or fatter?

People tell me I'm thinner, though I can't see it myself. Probably a little healthier, so maybe my fat is more equally distrbuted over my body.

iii. richer or poorer?

Technically richer, though at the moment my bank account is probably about what it was last year. Must stop spending money...

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Spent more time with friends, written more. Tried that whole 'getting a life' thing that seems to be so popular with das kids these days.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Sitting around moaning about not having a life.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

Spent opening presents and scoffing turkey with family.

22. Did you fall in love in 2003?

Hang on, what happened to 21?

23. How many one night stands?

We're lacking one question in the twenty-one departments. Um, none. Celibate when I started the year, celibate as I ended it. You may scoff but this time next year you'll all be doing it, as I do whatever is necessary to sunder your relationships beyond any hope of repair.

24. What was your favourite TV programme?

Did anything light my fire this year? Buffy was awful, Angel dull, Enterprise plodding along... Two of the three best shows were repeats, Alistair Cooke's America and Edge of Darkness, otherwise, of course, it had to be Little Britain.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Nope.

26. What was the best book you read?

This year? There's been so many it's hard to remember, possibly Chris Tolkien's books on the development of his father's Lord of the Rings, or From Caucasia With Love by Danzy Senna?

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Possibly the Scissor Sisters, though really that's going to be confirmed or disproved in 2004. This has mainly been an 'as you were' year music wise, getting hold of artists back catalogues (like the Dandy's excellent first album Come Down), but Elbow and Amon Tobin get a shout, and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

28. What did you want and get?

29. What did you want and not get?

That puppy in the window, the one with the waggly tail...

30. What was your favourite film of this year?

Return of the King. I would argue that these are the most important genre films bar none, and deserve to be considered one of the best films of all time.

Honourable mentions to; Pirates of the Carribean, The Matrix Reloaded, because it didn't make a balls up of the story like it's sequel.

31. What did you do on your birthday?

I don't recall. I suspect there was presents and general wishing I knew more people.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

A complete body transplant. That's not actually a joke.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?

'On the right lines'.

34. What kept you sane?

Insanity being too tiring.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Orlando Bloom and Jonny Depp in a big Pirates of the Carribean sandwich.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

The bombing of Iraq, the arrival and feting in this country of an international terrorist.

37. Who did you miss?

Auntie Skater. She was around when I was working I think...

38. Who was the best new person you met?

George.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003.

"You've already made the choice. Now you have to understand it."

It was a valuable lesson right, not the valuable lesson?

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

"I don't like these days they make me feel so small."

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