Saturday, August 09, 2003
Farmer Tony Martin is considering offers from a television company to refurbish his dilapidated home. Oh yes, I can see it now, Lawrence Llewelyn-Boweyn saying "Now, I couldn't get the dying man's blood out of the wall so I've gone for a charming red stipple effect wallpaper instead." You could have Two Strong Boys showing how to effectively booby-trap your house against intruders so you don't have to do all the work with a shotgun.
Still, why stop there? Why don't we give this murderer/'decent man driven to desperate measures' ((c) whichever paper he's sold his story to this week) his own TV show? 'Neighbours From Hell' perhaps? A family details how their lives have been made a misery by them next door, and Martin goes and shoots them all with a shotgun. Or perhaps some sort of game show with John Leslie, Leslie assaults some women and Martin has to kill them before they can sell their story to the papers/tell the police?
Of course, Martin could take some steps to improve his public image. If he smiled a bit more and told jokes about killing the burglar, to The Sun, they'd instantly cannonise him as a 'loveable rogue' like 'Mad' Frankie Fraser.
Still, why stop there? Why don't we give this murderer/'decent man driven to desperate measures' ((c) whichever paper he's sold his story to this week) his own TV show? 'Neighbours From Hell' perhaps? A family details how their lives have been made a misery by them next door, and Martin goes and shoots them all with a shotgun. Or perhaps some sort of game show with John Leslie, Leslie assaults some women and Martin has to kill them before they can sell their story to the papers/tell the police?
Of course, Martin could take some steps to improve his public image. If he smiled a bit more and told jokes about killing the burglar, to The Sun, they'd instantly cannonise him as a 'loveable rogue' like 'Mad' Frankie Fraser.
